100-Vaults-Auction-SW329Storage Wars: Season 3, Episode 29: “Nobody’s Vault But Mine.”

Oh, 100-vaults up for auction, take one down, pass it around, 99-vaults up for auction today. Expectations high.

Maybe someone would find a lost Picasso sketch or painting. Or a carefully preserved 1800s chair or table. Or vintage jewelry from Tiffany.

Uh, no.

Most valued item shown in this episode was smaller than a breadbox. Guess who would be that lucky. I’ll get back to that.

Vault auctions differ than storage auctions. Vault sold as a single unit or as a “lot.” If you buy a lot, you bid on the purchase of one vault times the total number of vaults in that lot. For example, two vaults may make a lot. You bid $50 and win. That’s $50 x 2 vaults = $100. Reckless bidders, beware of vault auctions.

Players included Jarrod, Brandi, Barry, Ivy, Darrell, Brandon, and two new bidders – Herb and Mike. Also present was the late Mark Balelo who passed away in February.

Brandon sick as a dog. Once out of the car, H-U-R-L in the bushes. Poor sap. He stayed behind which left Darrell solo at the auction.

First Lot: 2-Vaults
Boxes marked office, clothes, books, and an old Singer sewing machine in view. Ivy talked a big game but Barry had deeper pockets. Won the vault for $375 x 2 = $750.

Second Lot: 2-Vaults
Glassware, clothing, and a hodgepodge of unappealing materials. Quick buy for new bidders Herb and Mike at $200 x 2 = $400.

Third lot: 10-Vaults 
Time for the sharks to show their teeth. Herb and Mike the guppies were out. In the end it was Darrell against Mark who flashed his man purse full of cash. Feeding frenzy.  Mark with bigger and whiter teeth won the vault for $150 x 10 = $1,500.

Who got lucky?

I’ll get to that.

Let’s start with the noobs Herb and Mike who float at the bottom of the food chain. Dug through the two vaults and found a washer and dryer, HDTV (older model), glassware, and household items. Oooh. Aahh. Tiaras carefully wrapped but we know they’re not real diamonds.

Herb and Mike took the tiaras to Haley, a beauty queen to have them appraised. You have got to be kidding me! She’s only nine-years-old. That’s your expert? Ugh. The items were crowns, not tiaras and she appraised the lot at around $550. Take that with a grain of salt.

Who got lucky? It wasn’t Mark. He bought ten vaults. Good furniture, bad furniture, mountain of clothes, carpet cleaner, bike, old television, computer, but was he happy. By the end of the show he had lost it.

Mark dug through a box. Found a cup. Threw it on the floor. Crash. “Opa!” He danced. Then he grabbed another item. Crash. “Opa!” Dance. Repeat. He went nuts. Mark lost money and lots of it.

Who found items of real value? You guessed it. Barry Weiss, “The Collector.” He found three silver trinkets inside a drawer of that old Singer sewing machine. Had the items appraised at an antique shop.

Expert stated that two of the silver trinkets were vinaigrettes. Women back in the 1800s would put a little vinegar mixed with lavender inside the trinket. If she came across a foul smell, she’d take a whiff of the vinaigrett (not a bad idea for present-day living). Last item was an egg-shaped pomander made around 1700s and extremely rare.

First two items appraised around $450-$800. Last item appraised near $1,000. Again, how does Barry walk away from two full vaults, leave with a small item, and still take a big bite of profit?

Profit Scorecard:

Barry Weiss: $2,200
Herb Brown & Mike Karlinger: $790
Mark Bolelo: LOSS-$700

What’s left to say about the episode — “Opa!”

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